| [Enter MISTRESS PAGE, with a letter] | |
| MISTRESS PAGE | What, have I scaped love-letters in the holiday-
time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see. |
| [Reads] | |
| 'Ask me no reason why I love you; for though
Love use Reason for his physician, he admits him not for his counsellor. You are not young, no more am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry, so am I; ha, ha! then there's more sympathy: you love sack, and so do I; would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page,--at the least, if the love of soldier can suffice,-- that I love thee. I will not say, pity me; 'tis not a soldier-like phrase: but I say, love me. By me, Thine own true knight, By day or night, Or any kind of light, With all his might For thee to fight, JOHN FALSTAFF' What a Herod of Jewry is this! O wicked world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with age to show himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behavior hath this Flemish drunkard picked--with the devil's name!--out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What should I say to him? I was then frugal of my mirth: Heaven forgive me! Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings. | |
| [Enter MISTRESS FORD] | |
| MISTRESS FORD | Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house. |
| MISTRESS PAGE | And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very
ill. |
| MISTRESS FORD | Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary. |
| MISTRESS PAGE | Faith, but you do, in my mind. |
| MISTRESS FORD | Well, I do then; yet I say I could show you to the
contrary. O Mistress Page, give me some counsel! |
| MISTRESS PAGE | What's the matter, woman? |
| MISTRESS FORD | O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I
could come to such honour! |
| MISTRESS PAGE | Hang the trifle, woman! take the honour. What is
it? dispense with trifles; what is it? |
| MISTRESS FORD | If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so,
I could be knighted. |
| MISTRESS PAGE | What? thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! These knights
will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry. |
| MISTRESS FORD | We burn daylight: here, read, read; perceive how I
might be knighted. I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking: and yet he would not swear; praised women's modesty; and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words; but they do no more adhere and keep place together than the Hundredth Psalm to the tune of 'Green Sleeves.' What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like? |
| MISTRESS PAGE | Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and
Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. I warrant he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for different names--sure, more,--and these are of the second edition: he will print them, out of doubt; for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man. |
| MISTRESS FORD | Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very
words. What doth he think of us? |
| MISTRESS PAGE | Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to
wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury. |
| MISTRESS FORD | 'Boarding,' call you it? I'll be sure to keep him
above deck. |
| MISTRESS PAGE | So will I if he come under my hatches, I'll never
to sea again. Let's be revenged on him: let's appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his suit and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter. |
| MISTRESS FORD | Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him,
that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. |
| MISTRESS PAGE | Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: he's
as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause; and that I hope is an unmeasurable distance. |
| MISTRESS FORD | You are the happier woman. |
| MISTRESS PAGE | Let's consult together against this greasy knight.
Come hither. |
| [They retire] | |
| [Enter FORD with PISTOL, and PAGE with NYM] | |
| FORD | Well, I hope it be not so. |
| PISTOL | Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs:
Sir John affects thy wife. |
| FORD | Why, sir, my wife is not young. |
| PISTOL | He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor,
Both young and old, one with another, Ford; He loves the gallimaufry: Ford, perpend. |
| FORD | Love my wife! |
| PISTOL | With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou,
Like Sir Actaeon he, with Ringwood at thy heels: O, odious is the name! |
| FORD | What name, sir? |
| PISTOL | The horn, I say. Farewell.
Take heed, have open eye, for thieves do foot by night: Take heed, ere summer comes or cuckoo-birds do sing. Away, Sir Corporal Nym! Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. |
| [Exit] | |
| FORD | [Aside] I will be patient; I will find out this. |
| NYM | [To PAGE] And this is true; I like not the humour
of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours: I should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I have a sword and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife; there's the short and the long. My name is Corporal Nym; I speak and I avouch; 'tis true: my name is Nym and Falstaff loves your wife. Adieu. I love not the humour of bread and cheese, and there's the humour of it. Adieu. |
| [Exit] | |
| PAGE | 'The humour of it,' quoth a'! here's a fellow
frights English out of his wits. |
| FORD | I will seek out Falstaff. |
| PAGE | I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue. |
| FORD | If I do find it: well. |
| PAGE | I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest
o' the town commended him for a true man. |
| FORD | 'Twas a good sensible fellow: well. |
| PAGE | How now, Meg! |
| [MISTRESS PAGE and MISTRESS FORD come forward] | |
| MISTRESS PAGE | Whither go you, George? Hark you. |
| MISTRESS FORD | How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy? |
| FORD | I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go. |
| MISTRESS FORD | Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head. Now,
will you go, Mistress Page? |
| MISTRESS PAGE | Have with you. You'll come to dinner, George. |
| [Aside to MISTRESS FORD] | |
| Look who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger
to this paltry knight. | |
| MISTRESS FORD | [Aside to MISTRESS PAGE] Trust me, I thought on her:
she'll fit it. |
| [Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY] | |
| MISTRESS PAGE | You are come to see my daughter Anne? |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress Anne? |
| MISTRESS PAGE | Go in with us and see: we have an hour's talk with
you. |
| [Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and MISTRESS QUICKLY] | |
| PAGE | How now, Master Ford! |
| FORD | You heard what this knave told me, did you not? |
| PAGE | Yes: and you heard what the other told me? |
| FORD | Do you think there is truth in them? |
| PAGE | Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would
offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men; very rogues, now they be out of service. |
| FORD | Were they his men? |
| PAGE | Marry, were they. |
| FORD | I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at
the Garter? |
| PAGE | Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage
towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head. |
| FORD | I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to
turn them together. A man may be too confident: I would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied. |
| PAGE | Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes:
there is either liquor in his pate or money in his purse when he looks so merrily. |
| [Enter Host] | |
| How now, mine host! | |
| Host | How now, bully-rook! thou'rt a gentleman.
Cavaleiro-justice, I say! |
| [Enter SHALLOW] | |
| SHALLOW | I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and
twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, will you go with us? we have sport in hand. |
| Host | Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook. |
| SHALLOW | Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh
the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor. |
| FORD | Good mine host o' the Garter, a word with you. |
| [Drawing him aside] | |
| Host | What sayest thou, my bully-rook? |
| SHALLOW | [To PAGE] Will you go with us to behold it? My
merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places; for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be. |
| [They converse apart] | |
| Host | Hast thou no suit against my knight, my
guest-cavaleire? |
| FORD | None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of
burnt sack to give me recourse to him and tell him my name is Brook; only for a jest. |
| Host | My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress;
--said I well?--and thy name shall be Brook. It is a merry knight. Will you go, An-heires? |
| SHALLOW | Have with you, mine host. |
| PAGE | I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in
his rapier. |
| SHALLOW | Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times
you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what: 'tis the heart, Master Page; 'tis here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats. |
| Host | Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? |
| PAGE | Have with you. I would rather hear them scold than fight. |
| [Exeunt Host, SHALLOW, and PAGE] | |
| FORD | Though Page be a secure fool, an stands so firmly
on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily: she was in his company at Page's house; and what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look further into't: and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed. |
| [Exit] |
| [Enter FALSTAFF and PISTOL] | |
| FALSTAFF | I will not lend thee a penny. |
| PISTOL | Why, then the world's mine oyster.
Which I with sword will open. |
| FALSTAFF | Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should
lay my countenance to pawn; I have grated upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow Nym; or else you had looked through the grate, like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were good soldiers and tall fellows; and when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took't upon mine honour thou hadst it not. |
| PISTOL | Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteen pence? |
| FALSTAFF | Reason, you rogue, reason: thinkest thou I'll
endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about me, I am no gibbet for you. Go. A short knife and a throng! To your manor of Pickt-hatch! Go. You'll not bear a letter for me, you rogue! you stand upon your honour! Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the terms of my honour precise: I, I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle, to hedge and to lurch; and yet you, rogue, will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your honour! You will not do it, you! |
| PISTOL | I do relent: what would thou more of man? |
| [Enter ROBIN] | |
| ROBIN | Sir, here's a woman would speak with you. |
| FALSTAFF | Let her approach. |
| [Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY] | |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | Give your worship good morrow. |
| FALSTAFF | Good morrow, good wife. |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | Not so, an't please your worship. |
| FALSTAFF | Good maid, then. |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | I'll be sworn,
As my mother was, the first hour I was born. |
| FALSTAFF | I do believe the swearer. What with me? |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two? |
| FALSTAFF | Two thousand, fair woman: and I'll vouchsafe thee
the hearing. |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | There is one Mistress Ford, sir:--I pray, come a
little nearer this ways:--I myself dwell with master Doctor Caius,-- |
| FALSTAFF | Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say,-- |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | Your worship says very true: I pray your worship,
come a little nearer this ways. |
| FALSTAFF | I warrant thee, nobody hears; mine own people, mine
own people. |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | Are they so? God bless them and make them his servants! |
| FALSTAFF | Well, Mistress Ford; what of her? |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | Why, sir, she's a good creature. Lord Lord! your
worship's a wanton! Well, heaven forgive you and all of us, I pray! |
| FALSTAFF | Mistress Ford; come, Mistress Ford,-- |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | Marry, this is the short and the long of it; you
have brought her into such a canaries as 'tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches, I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; smelling so sweetly, all musk, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of the best and the fairest, that would have won any woman's heart; and, I warrant you, they could never get an eye-wink of her: I had myself twenty angels given me this morning; but I defy all angels, in any such sort, as they say, but in the way of honesty: and, I warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all: and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her. |
| FALSTAFF | But what says she to me? be brief, my good
she-Mercury. |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | Marry, she hath received your letter, for the which
she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you to notify that her husband will be absence from his house between ten and eleven. |
| FALSTAFF | Ten and eleven? |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the
picture, she says, that you wot of: Master Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas! the sweet woman leads an ill life with him: he's a very jealousy man: she leads a very frampold life with him, good heart. |
| FALSTAFF | Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her; I will
not fail her. |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to
your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you too: and let me tell you in your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest wife, and one, I tell you, that will not miss you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the other: and she bade me tell your worship that her husband is seldom from home; but she hopes there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man: surely I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth. |
| FALSTAFF | Not I, I assure thee: setting the attractions of my
good parts aside I have no other charms. |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | Blessing on your heart for't! |
| FALSTAFF | But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife and
Page's wife acquainted each other how they love me? |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | That were a jest indeed! they have not so little
grace, I hope: that were a trick indeed! but Mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page, of all loves: her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page; and truly Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does: do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will: and truly she deserves it; for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page; no remedy. |
| FALSTAFF | Why, I will. |
| MISTRESS QUICKLY | Nay, but do so, then: and, look you, he may come and
go between you both; and in any case have a nay-word, that you may know one another's mind, and the boy never need to understand any thing; for 'tis not good that children should know any wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world. |
| FALSTAFF | Fare thee well: commend me to them both: there's
my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with this woman. |
| [Exeunt MISTRESS QUICKLY and ROBIN] | |
| This news distracts me! | |
| PISTOL | This punk is one of Cupid's carriers:
Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights: Give fire: she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all! |
| [Exit] | |
| FALSTAFF | Sayest thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I'll make
more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee. Let them say 'tis grossly done; so it be fairly done, no matter. |
| [Enter BARDOLPH] | |
| BARDOLPH | Sir John, there's one Master Brook below would fain
speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath sent your worship a morning's draught of sack. |
| FALSTAFF | Brook is his name? |
| BARDOLPH | Ay, sir. |
| FALSTAFF | Call him in. |
| [Exit BARDOLPH] | |
| Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o'erflow such
liquor. Ah, ha! Mistress Ford and Mistress Page have I encompassed you? go to; via! | |
| [Re-enter BARDOLPH, with FORD disguised] | |
| FORD | Bless you, sir! |
| FALSTAFF | And you, sir! Would you speak with me? |
| FORD | I make bold to press with so little preparation upon
you. |
| FALSTAFF | You're welcome. What's your will? Give us leave, drawer. |
| [Exit BARDOLPH] | |
| FORD | Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook. |
| FALSTAFF | Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you. |
| FORD | Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you;
for I must let you understand I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something embolden'd me to this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. |
| FALSTAFF | Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. |
| FORD | Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me:
if you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. |
| FALSTAFF | Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter. |
| FORD | I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing. |
| FALSTAFF | Speak, good Master Brook: I shall be glad to be
your servant. |
| FORD | Sir, I hear you are a scholar,--I will be brief
with you,--and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender. |
| FALSTAFF | Very well, sir; proceed. |
| FORD | There is a gentlewoman in this town; her husband's
name is Ford. |
| FALSTAFF | Well, sir. |
| FORD | I have long loved her, and, I protest to you,
bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee'd every slight occasion that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many to know what she would have given; briefly, I have pursued her as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind or, in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel that I have purchased at an infinite rate, and that hath taught me to say this: |
| 'Love like a shadow flies when substance love pursues;
Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.' | |
| FALSTAFF | Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands? |
| FORD | Never. |
| FALSTAFF | Have you importuned her to such a purpose? |
| FORD | Never. |
| FALSTAFF | Of what quality was your love, then? |
| FORD | Like a fair house built on another man's ground; so
that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place where I erected it. |
| FALSTAFF | To what purpose have you unfolded this to me? |
| FORD | When I have told you that, I have told you all.
Some say, that though she appear honest to me, yet in other places she enlargeth her mirth so far that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, authentic in your place and person, generally allowed for your many war-like, court-like, and learned preparations. |
| FALSTAFF | O, sir! |
| FORD | Believe it, for you know it. There is money; spend
it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of wooing; win her to consent to you: if any man may, you may as soon as any. |
| FALSTAFF | Would it apply well to the vehemency of your
affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to yourself very preposterously. |
| FORD | O, understand my drift. She dwells so securely on
the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself: she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I could come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves: I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too too strongly embattled against me. What say you to't, Sir John? |
| FALSTAFF | Master Brook, I will first make bold with your
money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife. |
| FORD | O good sir! |
| FALSTAFF | I say you shall. |
| FORD | Want no money, Sir John; you shall want none. |
| FALSTAFF | Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you shall want
none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her own appointment; even as you came in to me, her assistant or go-between parted from me: I say I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave her husband will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed. |
| FORD | I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford,
sir? |
| FALSTAFF | Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not:
yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife seems to me well-favored. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. |
| FORD | I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might avoid him
if you saw him. |
| FALSTAFF | Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will
stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night. Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his style; thou, Master Brook, shalt know him for knave and cuckold. Come to me soon at night. |
| [Exit] | |
| FORD | What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is
ready to crack with impatience. Who says this is improvident jealousy? my wife hath sent to him; the hour is fixed; the match is made. Would any man have thought this? See the hell of having a false woman! My bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms! names! Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils' additions, the names of fiends: but Cuckold! Wittol!--Cuckold! the devil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass: he will trust his wife; he will not be jealous. I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua-vitae bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself; then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises; and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. God be praised for my jealousy! Eleven o'clock the hour. I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! |
| [Exit] |
| [Enter DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY] | |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Jack Rugby! |
| RUGBY | Sir? |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Vat is de clock, Jack? |
| RUGBY | 'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet. |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he
has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come. |
| RUGBY | He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill
him, if he came. |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him.
Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him. |
| RUGBY | Alas, sir, I cannot fence. |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Villany, take your rapier. |
| RUGBY | Forbear; here's company. |
| [Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE] | |
| Host | Bless thee, bully doctor! |
| SHALLOW | Save you, Master Doctor Caius! |
| PAGE | Now, good master doctor! |
| SLENDER | Give you good morrow, sir. |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for? |
| Host | To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee
traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my AEsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully stale? is he dead? |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he
is not show his face. |
| Host | Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy! |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or
seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come. |
| SHALLOW | He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of
souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions. Is it not true, Master Page? |
| PAGE | Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great
fighter, though now a man of peace. |
| SHALLOW | Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of
the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one. Though we are justices and doctors and churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page. |
| PAGE | 'Tis true, Master Shallow. |
| SHALLOW | It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor
Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace: you have showed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor. |
| Host | Pardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater. |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Mock-vater! vat is dat? |
| Host | Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully. |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de
Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears. |
| Host | He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat? |
| Host | That is, he will make thee amends. |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me;
for, by gar, me vill have it. |
| Host | And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag. |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Me tank you for dat. |
| Host | And, moreover, bully,--but first, master guest, and
Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore. |
| [Aside to them] | |
| PAGE | Sir Hugh is there, is he? |
| Host | He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will
bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well? |
| SHALLOW | We will do it. |
| PAGE
SHALLOW SLENDER | |
| | Adieu, good master doctor. | | |
| [Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER] | |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a
jack-an-ape to Anne Page. |
| Host | Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold
water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well? |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you;
and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. |
| Host | For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne
Page. Said I well? |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, 'tis good; vell said. |
| Host | Let us wag, then. |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. |
| [Exeunt] |